Dear Ms. Q,
After several months of hearing one of my friends go on and on gushing about this guy she is seeing, I finally met him.
He’s a jerk. An asshole. A douchebag.
From the moment he walked into our house for our Super Bowl party, he looked like he couldn’t wait to get out. He made no attempt to be nice to or make friends with any of us.
WE RECOMMEND THE VIDEO: The Top 5 BEST Investing Apps
Here are my Top 5 Favorite Investing Apps in 2019 - and each of their pros and cons. Enjoy! Add me on Instagram: GPStephan Second Channel: ...
It wasn’t just my husband and I who got a rude vibe from him, so did everyone else. The only one who didn’t seem to think he was a dick was my friend, who he treated worse than anyone. When he wanted a beer, twice I heard him say, “Get me a beer, woman,” and no “please” or “thank you.” My husband and a few others overheard him say, “I would have been just as happy to watch this game at home. At least that way I could get a blow job while watching the game.” Let’s just say it was awkward, even for the guys.
She called the next day asked what I thought of him. I didn’t have the heart to tell her what I think of him or to tell her that she could do better.
Is it my place? Should I tell her?
Flustered Friend
It depends. Which do you value more; her happiness or her friendship?
Chances are, if you told her exactly what you think, she’ll take it as an affront on her and him, and guess which side she’ll take. More than likely, she’ll tell him what you said about him and it will be awkward for all of you.
I’m all for open and honest communication, but for the time being, find a way not to comment. If you feel compelled to say something, stick to something like, “I’m glad to see you happy.”
However, I bet that one day very soon that she’ll start saying things like, “He can be such a dick.” That might be the time to say something like, “I noticed at our party that he said a couple of things that sounded very disrespectful toward you,” and mention the beer bitch and blow job comments as examples. Encourage her by suggesting that she deserves to be treated better. Give examples of how she should be treated better if you have to. It could be sharing the nice things your husband does for you or what you like and notice how other happy couples you know get along.
That time might be the vulnerable moment that she needs to reevaluate her relationship with him. As long as she’s happy with him, she has no reason to think differently.
If she confides that he’s physically or verbally abusive, tell her to get the hell away from him and stay the hell away from him.
Keep in mind that she might kiss and make up with him after you speak your mind. Be prepared to stand by your words.
I know it’s hard to stand by and see the evolution of a train wreck, but sometimes we need to go through a frog or two to know how to identify and appreciate a prince.
Got a question for me? Email me at msquote2(at)hotmail(dot)com.
Saturday, January 23, 2021